The holidays really invoke thoughts of family. I normally spend way too much time trying to figure people out and get way too annoyed at the fact that I simply can't, but it is even more intense around the holidays. I find myself wondering…..who are these people and what the heck are they thinking.
Sometimes I envisioned, probably even secretly wished, that there was a terrible mix up in the hospital on July 22, 1964 and that I was taken away from my real family. Maybe because a large part of my life has been spent wondering if I really belong. This “real” family consists of incredibly moral, perfectly sane, boldly intelligent, warmly benevolent, super wealthy, high class in a good way, cheerful, optimistic, pure do-gooders who work at the soup kitchens even on non-holidays, bunch of beautiful non-alcoholic people who have been tirelessly searching for their lost daughter. They can’t be complete until they find me and we are reunited on an Oprah special that she televises just for me. I am flown in my private jet to our mansion in France where one whole floor is devoted to housing my designer clothes, shoes and handbags and Rachel Zoe is my personal live-in stylist.
Awwww…..just close your eyes and enjoy that for a moment….
But then it occurs to me….I would never measure up to such perfection. Who could, really?
Who would really want to?
I’m sure if I had spent my life with my perfect, non-alcoholic, Rachel Zoe styled family, I would have been better dressed but, would I be…..me? What lessons would I have learned that I could possibly teach to others?
When you are perfect and you come from perfection, what is left??
There are two things I know for sure….1) In dealing with a non-perfect family; you will learn lots of lessons. The hard part is to really learn the lesson, apply it to your life and don’t make the same mistake again. (Did I mention that is the hard part?) 2) You can’t change people, you can only change the way that you react to them.
I have learned many things from the people in my life over the years. I have been taught valuable lessons from the good ways in which they have treated me and also from the bad. There is always something to learn in every situation if we only pause to see it.
And it is in that pause where we really find ourselves.
So, as my perfect family continues to tirelessly search for me, I will continue to tirelessly try to apply the lessons I have learned to my life and remember that I am only in control of me and my own actions. I will strive to appreciate my family members for who they are and be grateful to have them. I will try to have patience, to show compassion, to hold judgement and to remember that we are all secretly wishing that we belong to a perfect family, that we are all trying to learn our lessons and apply them to our lives and that we all have crosses to bear. And most importantly (and thankfully), we all fall short of perfection.
I challenge you this holiday season to do the same. Make an effort to appreciate your family for just being your family, love them, show them compassion and remember to understand that they are just people. People who try to make the best of what they have with what they know. People with faults and gifts. People who do not always have the capacity to give you what you need, but will give you what they can. Just People.
Happy Holidays!!
ps…..Real Mom, Dad and Rachel Zoe, there is a tiny part of me still wishing and waiting for you so…..keep looking. shhhh....That will just be our little secret.
