There are some lines in the movie “The Bridges of Madison County” that are so eerily truthful. These words just stir inside me every time I hear them. Meryl Streep does them so beautifully that the feeling of sadness is palpable. Every time I hear that part of the movie it makes me think about the journey of being a woman.
“When a woman makes a choice to marry and have children, in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details and you just stop and stay steady so your children can move and when they leave they take your life of details with them. You’re expected to move on again but you don’t even remember what it was that moved you because nobody has asked you in so long, not even yourself.” ~Meryl Streep, “The Bridges of Madison County”
Motherhood is such a beautifully difficult and complicated job. It qualifies as a job because so much rides on how the task is performed. Chocolates are not being boxed on an assemble line; people are being shaped and molded. Lessons are being taught that will set the course for the rest of a life. These are little people that we are responsible for. People that will be the next leaders of our world. That should rank high on the list of important jobs.
One of the beautiful parts of Motherhood is that there is not just one right way to be a good Mother. We are all different, we learn differently and we teach differently. Thankfully our babies love us even when we make mistakes and forgive us through them all.
Through the years when they are babies and toddlers we spend countless hours worrying, praying, feeling guilty, doubting ourselves, crying, not sleeping, making lists, making plans, reading snip-its of books or magazines, learning, praying, worrying, crying…over and over and over. And then they become pre-teens and it is a whole new ballgame of learning, reading, planning, crying, worrying and praying. We are trying to make sure the homework is done and that there is some kind of dinner, that they are driven to their activities that we sign them up for so they can have opportunities and be well rounded humans, we’re trying to make sure they are clean so they’re not the stinky kid in class, getting them to bed on time, washing the clothes, finding matching shoes, signing the stack of papers in the book bag, packing lunches, crying, praying, worrying, doubting ourselves. Then they become teenagers and the real battle begins. We have to find a way to compete with their friends, we must learn detective skills to stay on top of the truth. Our actions during this time is the most crucial so there is even more praying, crying, doubting, reading, learning and praying. Then they get their drivers license and we stand there and watch them drive away on their own. On their own. Free to make choices. Free to be careless. And we are just helplessly left with the hope that they heard us all those years and that they make the right choices. It is a vulnerability that cuts deep to your very soul. So we cry and we pray and we worry. We try to get them through high school and we try to help them make a plan for their life. And we pray and we cry and we worry and we doubt ourselves.
And through all of this we are trying to keep pee and poop and puke off of our clothes, we are trying to maintain a relationship with our husband, with our friends, we are trying to wash our hair or at least brush it, take a shower and keep our job if we have one outside the home. We’re trying to clean our house, wash the clothes, make the grocery list, cook a meal. Whatever we thought we wanted to do or be when we grew up now happily takes a back seat to our new priority. And in-between we cry, we pray, we worry …and we love.
To someone without kids this sounds like a horror movie and sometimes it is. But most of the time it is beautiful. Everything we do for these kids is because of the strong, enduring, unconditional and gut wrenching love we have for that child from the very moment we feel them in our womb or take them into our home. It is something you can never go back from and you would never want to. They are our priority by choice and nothing gives us more pleasure than to see them happy and healthy and successful in their life. It is all worth it…the pee, the poop, the puke and the sleepless nights of praying, crying, worrying and doubting. Once you’re a Mother you would never choose to not be a Mother.
And then one day your babies tell you that your “Mothering” is no longer needed. They have reached an age when you “have done all you can do and at this point you are just making suggestions” . You need to back off and you realize that you have no idea how to do that. You have been responsible for these people all these years. Mothering them has been your job 24/7 and now all of a sudden you are not supposed to do that anymore. So, what do we do? It is a very difficult transition for a woman and one we have to work out on our own. We have to remember that before we were Mothers, we were just girls…girls with dreams. The hope is that we find her again and marry those old dreams with our new dreams and top it with all of our life lessons to come up with a new plan for ourselves. A plan where we Mother from a distance and learn how to be just a girl again.
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